Thursday, July 9, 2009

Things never to do with kids.

Oh are there plenty.

(Be hungover is my #1. I have endured one and only one since having Ella over 4 years ago and the hellish nightmare that was the next day following "Mommy's night of fun" was so scarred into my brain that ever since after 1 or 2 at the most drinks, I am done. Just not worth the fun anymore, for me.)

Today, I had the perfect storm of things not to do with kids.

The bike store. Two kids. A leotard and a potty break.

I would not recommend any combination of the above. Ever.

Trust me.

So, I picked E up from gymnastics camp (hence the leotard). Headed to the bike store to have my bike computer moved so I can fit in my aerobottle for my race this weekend. (I am acting as if I am racing. As if there are no other alternatives. Power of positive thinking, right?)

Just getting all 3 of us and my bike in the store is enough to make me run screaming back to the safety of the car. Finally get in. They get to work on my bike. E tries to ride one of the kids bikes in the showroom. Falls. Cries. Alice is crawling. Everywhere. Past the yellow line that is off limits to customers as I deal with Ella's tears and convince her that yes, I am in charge and she is not to mount any more bikes, even if they are all for kids, mommy. E has to go to the bathroom. But, wants her "privacy". Fine. I head in just to help take off the leotard. I then get escorted out by the 4 year old in charge. Fine again. As I am checking on my bike, a naked 4 year old comes running out of the bathroom screaming "MOMMY, I WENT POO POO!! WANT TO SEE???"

I shook my head. Laughed. Went to see (of course). Then got ourselves the heck outta there.

And I wish I could say I learned my lesson and will never do that again. But, I know I will have to and I know it will be as much of a gong show as it was today.


Joe Reger said...

This is why i only recommend unitards these days! Mommys are pretty amazing! Don't know how you gals do it.

Mama Simmons said...

Too funny! I bet the young single guys working in the shop took note and will be firm in their birth control plans for a while after witnessing all that! HA!

I take Moana to the bike shop quite often... and she is now starting to crawl around there a bit.. but ONE is different than TWO! Bless you.

Rebecca DeWire said...

That story is hilarious! Thanks for sharing. This is why I make Scott play bike mechanic. The only time I have been to the bike shop with Elena is when she was tiny and in the carrier.

Alicia Parr said...

Awesome. That's some good stuff, right there. The kind you can't make up.

Do they make leotards with snaps in the crotch anymore? I seem to remember those from my childhood and those would seem to be useful for that age range.

There's a bike shop in Raleigh that has a train set in the corner to occupy the little ones. I knew Remy had found it when I started hearing banging noises. Fortunately, I had Gary with me to watch Remy. Of course, I didn't have a naked, potty-trained toddler to handle either, so I had it super easy.

You're a champ.

Maria said...

I love that Ella is in gymnastics camp...does she like it?? Any talent??? :)

Angela and David Kidd said...

Ahh gymnastics camp. I have SO many memories.

And your post has further cemented my belief that we are good with just one kid right now.

Angela said...

This is hilarious. I remember when the kids I taught (age 5 and 6) would have cupcakes with bright icing and then proceed to scream when they saw their neon colored poops and insisted that everyone come look!

I feel you though...two boys and all I want to do sometimes is pretend they're not mine when I'm out by myself.

Anonymous said...

good stuff funny!