Mike got his review from work today. As you can see, I am bursting with pride.
His boss and reviewer is one of his best friends and obviously very funny. This had me crying-laughing.
Supervisor's Summary of Results (Year-End)
I am very pleased with Mike's performance this year. His ball breaking
acumen is off the charts and he has made a strong effort to utilize that
skill on others beyond his supervisor. For the first time in Mike's
five years, he has gone outside the fuels group to belittle and
embarrass other company employees. Mike continues to be a master
debater and is especially admirable in his no holds barred approach to
arguing. For Mike, it is not enough to simply win the argument, he also
wants his audience visibly and audibly laughing at his victim. Some
managers might consider Mike a bully in this respect. I have another
word for it.........inspirational.
Mike's statistical database is also remarkable. His ability to recall
sports statistics, random song titles and obscure band/movie members is
nothing short of astonishing. However, for some reason this skill has
not translated into the energy sector. That being said, who gives an
An often unnoticed quality of Mike's performance is his willingness to
provide a virtually endless stream of buffoonery to his supervisor.
While it may go unnoticed by some, it does not go unnoticed by me. Mike
is more than willing to provide hilarious, though often off color, witty
gems to his supervisor who then delivers said gems as his own. Mike
does not seek nor even want credit for these masterpieces as he is
perhaps the prime example of an altruistic buffoon. I for one, could
not be more proud.
If I had to offer criticisms of Mike's performance at work, and believe
me, this is splitting hairs, they would be few. I think an
underutilized skill of Mike's is in the area of flatulence. Mike has
one of the more powerful ass trumpets I have come across in my 32 years
of life yet he will very rarely utilize it to its full potential. While
the rest of the row is straining with all their might to deliver a
barely audible grind, Mike is constantly holding back for what many
believe is a fear of seeming rude. I know better. Mike simply does not
want to show up his fellow worker. Were he to unleash his full power,
there would be nary a bottom left on the row with the courage to speak.
Let's face it, when it comes to gas, the rest of us are playing
checkers............Mike is playing chess.
In summary, Mike has performed at the highest of levels. He has become
that most rare of species, the feared yet beloved member of the
community. I look forward to the years to come to see what other
surprises Mike has in store for us and I feel privileged to have had a
front row seat for the past 11 years.